Ugh!

I woke up at 3 am totally disgusted with myself for drinking last night... a bottle I think.  All I wanted to do was work on my quilt and even asked my husband if it was ok.  He said yes, but hopped on the computer so the kids were crawling all over me.  I said should I stop and he said yes and we all went in the lounge and sat around.  Why couldn't he have just watched the kids while I did a bit of sewing? 

So I drank to get away.

And I woke this morning vowing not to drink tonight.  It's 8:30am and I've already changed my mind.  My morning has gone like this:  get coffee ready, make milo for the kids, make breakfast, pack lunches... quickly shower before my husband leaves for work at 7:30 am.  He leaves, feed kids more (they are eating machines these days!), call my parents on skype... kids crawling all over me, parents trying to talk over them... little one shoving crackers down my top... tidy kitchen a bit, put laundry in baskets, get kids dressed ... and now I have to drop the kids at care and go to work!  I know this is a huge excuse.  I know it is.  But this is why I drink.  This is my treat for myself after doing all this stuff all day.  It's my reprieve.  It's an easy escape.  I could try to wait til 7:30 to do my sewing but it seems so far away.  I feel like everyone is always demanding something from me and alcohol is my way to deal with it.  I know it makes it worse.  I know being hungover stops me from being able to deal with things better.  But alcohol is my learned response.  It is easy.  It is immediate.

Must run, kids are demanding again.  Sigh.