Decision to go to AA

So this past weekend was another 'last weekend' of drinking but this one was pretty bad.  I used it as an excuse to drink way more than I normally would and I don't remember much of Saturday night.  Unfortunately my husband does and I wasn't being very nice.  He knew it was the alcohol so just waited it out.  Pretty awful thing to do to him.

See Friday I had a talk with hubbie about going to an AA meeting.  Normally he'd excuse my drinking and say it's not that bad.  This always made it hard for me because of course I want to buy in to the excuse even though in my heart I know it is that bad.  This time he had the courage to be honest and we had a really candid discussion and he agrees that going to a meeting is a good idea.  I was a bit worried that he'd miss our friday night drinks but I asked him if he'd rather I didn't drink at all than drink the way I do and he said yes.  He'd never been a big drinker anyway so it'd be better all around for us.

So I've made the decision to go to a meeting and I'm terrified.  I mean aside from the fact that I picture walking in to a room with a bunch of old, gruff looking men with bulbous noses smoking cigarettes and looking intimidating, I'm also scared to do something so far out of my comfort zone.  I don't know what to expect and I'm scared.  I am also terrified to give up my crutch of alcohol.  I can't picture my life without it but I do get glimpses of how good it could be .... but I've always used alcohol so it's scary to think of not having that 'safety net' in my life, regardless of all the negatives it does.

That's all.  Going to my first meeting tonight so keep me in your thoughts please.