My 6 month sober-versary

As of today I have been sober for 6 months.  That's no small feat.  I was thinking this morning as I realised how long I've been sober for that I've been beating myself up about dieting and losing weight and eating better and feeling like I just can't do it ... then I thought - if I can stop drinking, I can do anything! Maybe I am just used to beating myself up, but today I stop.  Today I focus on what I have done.  6 months ago I was tired of waking up exhausted, deflated, angry and disappointed with myself, a hangover along with a peircing feeling under my skin just from all the alcohol coursing through  my body.  I had no time for anything really.  I was irritable and short with everyone, including my kids.

Today I wake up a bit tired (because my son got up before 6!!) but fine.  I am happy that it's Valentine's day and I'm planning to wear pink and make a nice dinner for my family, along with a heart-shaped pav for dessert.  I am excited about growing my business after meeting with a business coach yesterday.  I'm off to a music class with my little guy and a new friend... and I know I won't sit through the music class in pain, waiting for the annoying songs to finish so we can have a cup of coffee and I can zone out.  Instead I'll be singing along and clapping.  And perhaps my little guy will nap when we get home so I can try out my new sewing machine!!

Life is by no means perfect, but I can't even tell you how much BETTER it is.  Much better than I ever thought it would be.  I thought I'd miss drinking, and honestly, sometimes it bothers me to think that somewhere in the future I'll never be able to enjoy just one glass of wine.  But I don't want it now.  I don't want alcohol AT ALL and if you knew me, you would find that unbelievable. 

If you are thinking about quitting and are sick of the cycle of wanting to quit, giving it to drinking then feeling guilty about it (or whatever rut you are caught in) just talk to someone.  Talk to a doctor, talk to an alcohol counsellor.  Talk to a friend.  Talk to yourself in a blog or a journal... or do whatever works for you.  Keep thinking about it and get closer to trying it (but do it with medical help if you are addicted to alcohol!!).  Talk to me if you like.  Email me rosielife@hotmail.com, post on my blog or just keep reading.  I'm no expert .. but I there were people I looked to when I was still drinking (thank you Mrs D and One Crafty Mother!) who helped me see there is life after alcohol.  And life is good.

Trying to get back on track

I've finished painting our bedrooms and now just have to finish unpacking.  I went to weight watchers today after two weeks off and haven't gained too much.  I was thinking I need to find a way to get back on track and then I realised that simply going to the meeting is getting back on track... I also went for a nice long walk with my little guy.  Still eating garbage though, and have no energy as a result.  It's really hard to kick this sugar habit.  I was reading an article today about the addictiveness (is that a word??) of sugar and how hard it is to kick.  I guess I shouldn't be too hard on myself since it is hard to stop but sometimes I just think what's wrong with me??  I used to be able to just make a decision and go with it no matter what... and now I just can't seem to do that.  But I'm back on the road anyway, tracking what I'm eating so I know exactly what I am eating.  I remember when I did that with drinking - just seeing it on paper is pretty jarring... there is no escaping what is going in my body when I write it down! 

In other news, I am meeting with a business coach tomorrow about my small business.  I really want to focus on it this year as I'd like to be earning an income from it.  I'm quite excited!  But it also means I need to get a few more boxes out of our living room before noon tomorrow haha!

It's Getting to me

The mess that is.  So I am in the process of painting the bedrooms which means I haven't unpacked from the move and we have boxes EVERYWHERE!  To make matters worse, the boys are sleeping in our room while we paint ... so on top of the boxes, we now have a single bed in our living room and I feel like I'm tripping over stuff every time I turn around.  I realised today that I just need to get their room done asap! 

I also have a huge food hangover.  We have been eating absolute garbage for over a week now.  Sugar like crazy.  I'm not one of those super healthy people who treats their body like a temple that you need to roll your eyes at because I think I'm so great for being healthy... because I'm not!  I have watched what I ate before, but not until recently did I try to come off sugar.  I did the 17 day diet just before Christmas and much like drinking, I didn't realise how bad I felt til I came off the junk... meaning once I cut sugar out for a while, now I really feel it's effects.  I'm groggy, cranky, lethargic etc etc.  I just need to come off it again.  It's hard with so much other upheaval and I also want to maintain my sobriety so I've turned to food.  In the end it's just another substance to help me 'deal' with life but in the end, it just makes things worse.

So today I'm making a point of eating more fresh food.  I know I'll have more energy, be able to get these jobs finished and get better sleep if I do.  I just need to make time for it.  Wish me luck - I know it's not going to be easy... but I hope to eat a bit better today.

We have moved

Well things are much better then they were on my last post!  I think it's safe to say that I was at the end of my rope that day but now... well we have moved.  Since then, we found a house that was a really great price, in a good area (close to my 2 closest friends so how good is that!) and it just really has a good flow and is just really cute and homey.

So we moved in on Feb 1st and there are still boxes everywhere but I've decided to paint the bedrooms first so .. it'll be a work in progress for a while.  I've already painted the spare room (guest room I suppose!) and have just finished the trim on the boys' room.  After that I'll do our room then repaint the wood panelling in the lounge/ dining area and that's the painting done.  I have heaps of fabric chosen and plan to make all kinds of stuff.

That's the thing with not drinking.  So much more time to do lovely things.  I think that's what used to put me off about not drinking.. the loooong days.  But I was just painting in the boys' room and just had all these things come to me, thinking about all kinds of stuff, thinking about blogging, my cousin (who just got engaged - yey!!), my good friends back home.... listening to my husband giggling out in the lounge at some dumb show he's watching... and I just felt so good.  Felt so happy just to be decorating and making my house pretty.

I've had a weird week though.  I have had alcohol thoughts pop up randomly where they really hadn't been before.  I drove by a bottle shop on my way home from kindy pick up the other day and thought 'I would be stopping there every day on my way home... .well maybe not every day... I mean I wouldn't want the shop workers to know I drank that much'... and things like that.  Not sure if anyone else has gone through this?  It's weird - I suppose I thought moving to a new house where I have no association with drinking would make me think less about alcohol but I've had a few of these thoughts lately.

On the bright side - when my cousin told me he got engaged and we skyped and I heard all the lovey-dovey details and told him I would be coming to the wedding for sure.... I realised after we finished our conversation that I was genuinely excited to be going and my initial thought (for once) wasn't 'how will I cope with everyone drinking' and now it's more I'm so glad I will be sober so that I can enjoy and remember the occasion.  Also, he doesn't drink much and neither do his parents so it won't be the booze-fest our reception was.  It will be a bit classy.  Yey - I can buy a gorgeous dress :)