Why I'm back...

So I've felt really drawn to write many times over the past few years but I haven't.  I was really focused on building my business, and building my brand. I thought for some reason that if I wrote on this blog and people found out that I had a drinking problem, that somehow I would lose that image I was trying to build.  Sounds a bit ridiculous, but it was a real fear.

Then I saw Mrs D. come out and speak about her drinking. When she spoke out, I realized that it is her strength that allowed her to do so.  I was so impressed by her courage to talk, especially given that her husband has such a public profile.  Beyond this, I loved that this topic of drinking became something that people were speaking about.  I went for a walk the day after the interview aired... I went with 3 Mums from my son's school and Mrs D was the topic of conversation.  I felt elated - I loved that Mrs D brought this topic into our every day lives.  I opened up one on one to one of the women there and when we caught up with the other two, one was questioning that she sometimes thought she drank too much.  I realized in that moment that I had nothing to be ashamed of.  I had a problem with drinking, and every day I am doing something about it.  

I am still using a pseudonym, but I am here to share my story.  I haven't been very open in the past about the fact that I had a drinking problem but on my two year sober-versary I posted on my facebook page that I hadn't had a drink in 2 years and I got SO much support from my friends and family.  I knew that posting that would raise flags to them.... I mean I used to be THE party girl so for me to have stopped completely, well it was as good as admitting that I was an alcoholic right there for all to see.  The outpouring of support I received was just amazing and actually brought tears to my eyes.  I'm sure more than a few of them knew I had a problem and are probably glad that I quit and that didn't destroy my life with alcohol.  People even asked me about it afterward and I was really open.  I just realized that I have no reason to hide and to lie about the fantastic decision that I made to stop drinking.

I am so thankful for Mrs D coming out and telling her story.  Her story is my story - and maybe your story too.  Mrs D gave me the courage to come back and to acknowledge this new life that I lead.  I am proud - probably for the first time - about choosing this lifestyle and am now embracing it more than ever.

2 Years On

It's been a while to say the least... but I have been feeling drawn to write more and more these days.  I thought I would give a bit of an update...

It's been just over 2 years since I last took a sip of alcohol (or glug more like!) and I am happy to say that I am doing well!  I think I've finally past the stage of missing alcohol and feeling like something is missing from life now that I live without alcohol.

For the longest time, I did feel like something was missing.  At first, it was just that sort of no 'wohoo it's the weekend!' kind of thing... where Friday would roll around and for the first time in my adult life, it didn't coincide with cracking a bottle open.  In that way, weekends felt a bit dull, like no big deal, the same as every other day and I didn't love that.  But that faded pretty quickly.  I'd say that probably only lasted about 2 months and then I felt pretty good about not having hangovers all the time so that won out over everything else!

I still felt pretty much like not going out or being around alcohol so I kept myself pretty secluded.  Not hard to do since I have two kids 5 and under and not much opportunity to go out -  or desire!  But my husband's 40th birthday was coming up and I knew I'd have to be around alcohol. I was trying to find some way of getting beyond 'just tolerating' the night. After all, I had planned the party and wanted to have a good time with him and not be boring!

Then something happened. I  was talking to someone who quit drinking just because she felt it was holding her back from her dreams (not because she didn't know how to stop once she started like me!).  And she totally embraced it.  She went out all the time and had heaps of fun and thought it was actually awesome that she didn't drink.  I started thinking about this and how I felt I was boring and that people thought I was lame or a goody-two-shoes for not drinking and it hit me how when I was drinking I also worried that people were judging me... I was worried that people would see how much I drank, how out of control I was, how irresponsible I was, how I cared about alcohol more than anything, how I always wanted to drink beyond anything else in the world... and how I'd spend the next day feeling so stupid for how I acted, and wondered did I make a fool out of myself?

I realized that I was spending literally my whole life worried about what people would think of me during the 5 hours I was out at a party.  And I realized that I don't care what people thought about me now.  I quit drinking in large part because I was so tired of being the super drunk person that no one took seriously, am I now going to shoot myself down because I am the together person that people do take seriously?  Seems like such a waste of time and energy!  So that was it, somehow.  It was a huge turning point for me realizing that there was no point worrying what others think (I mean there isn't any point anyway is there!?!) because I had made this change to make myself better, and I am better because of it!

So I went to his party and for the first time in two years, I actually had a TON of fun out!  I mean, I was chatting and dancing and doing a speech and I just felt totally comfortable.  And of course, no one cared, if they even noticed!  I left at midnight - much later than I had planned!  And I got in the car and drove myself home.  I climbed in to bed and watched a bit of tv as I wound down from the evening ... and I thought to myself 'I'm so glad I was able to go out and have fun, and I'm equally as glad that I am in my warm bed able to watch a show before going to sleep'.  And not being hungover the next day, worried about how I had acted and what I had said and did the night before was just an added bonus!