Day One

Here I am, the first day of sobriety for me.  It's 10 in the morning and I feel good about my decision.  I can in fact feel a difference in myself.  I am moving at an extra slow pace, speaking very quietly to my children - almost as if a calmness has settled over me now that I have made my decision.

Of course, I had to have 'one last'.  One last big weekend of drinking.  Like a dieter before the diet begins who gorges on everything in sight, I drank pretty much all weekend.  Big friday night with a friend, huge hangover on Saturday but still managed to down a bottle of wine after the kids went to bed.  Then yesterday, being father's day, we had a BBQ which really ended up just being a day of drinking.  I went to bed around 8 thankfully and slept it off.  I think partially today I feel relief at my decision not to drink.  I've drawn a line in the sand.

I was worried about the witching hour.. the pull at 4pm to have a drink.. but I've decided my boys and I will go and get my husband from work.  Since I'll be driving, I won't be drinking.  Then the 4 of us will be home together and it will be easier.

I also read the post that Once Crafty Mother wrote on Dr Fear and she explained how she was filled with anxiety over not drinking when she first stopped.  I am going through this too... what will I do next weekend when family comes to visit and it's a big drinking weekend?  What about the weekend after when I go visit friends for a big party?  Will I really just not drink?  What about Christmas at home with my family... And I realised that she went through this too.  This is normal - well whatever normal is.  And at the very least I am not alone in feeling this way.  Other people have gone through this.  And there is a reason they say to take it one day at a time (as cliché as I used to think that was).  Right now, I am happy and comforted in my deicion to not drink today.  And I'm feeling a certain peace with that.