Woke up this morning a bit angry at the world! Now that I've eaten I feel much better :) I actually had a really good, filling breakfast. Who knew eating healthy could make one so full?! Considering my old diet consisted of coffee, coffee, coffee, HUGE lunch because I was starving, then continue eating rubbish til bed. Seems I replaced alcohol with food there for a while. But I'm on track now, I've kept up with healthy eating all day yesterday (yey - not one cheat!) and have done 17 minutes of cardio every morning this week - that makes 4 days in a row. Even lifted a few weights this morning. Ok they were only 1 kg weights but I felt it. Should give you an indication of how out of shape I am/ was!
I did up my to do list yesterday too. I had 3 things on it and got them all done. Pretty proud of myself. Funny though, I did these three things and somehow my house ended up a mess. None of the things were tidy the house. So I need to account for that and not just take housework as a given.
Today's list:
- call the bank
- call real estate agent about a house we like (yey!)
- vacumm house (haha - needs to be done!)
Also need to take the kids out this morning and oh ya - there is a sale on at our local fabric shop so obviously I have to go there!
Must be on my way... so much to do :)
Wednesday 28 November 2012
Tuesday 27 November 2012
Best laid plans
Well so much for accomplishing my to do list yesterday - I didn't even get around to making one!! You know how it goes, so much on the go. I need to do my list first thing or the day just takes hold of me and drags me along from one thing to the next.
BUT I did recognise all the things I DID do. Including a date night with my husband. First time in I don't even know how long. We went to see the final chapter in the Twilight saga and man it was awesome! But man I've never been to the cinema here, and haven't been out at all in the evening since I stopped drinking and the frigging theatre sold alcohol! As if!! I walked in and saw a group of women sitting around with their little wine bottles, one obviously well on her way. Panic! But whatever, I treated myself to a mocha and my husband and I rolled in to the theatre. I noticed people coming in and bringing their drinks. No one made a second trip to the bar during the movie. I mean I wasn't focussed on this, I was watching the movie... but when it was done it struck me that had that been 3 months ago, I would've probably suggested we go for dinner first so I could have a drink. At the very least I would've gotton wine once there and then the movie would've become secondary. I would've had to go back to the bar. I would've wanted to get drunk, or at least tipsy.
So glad those days are behind me! We had such a good time last night :)
BUT I did recognise all the things I DID do. Including a date night with my husband. First time in I don't even know how long. We went to see the final chapter in the Twilight saga and man it was awesome! But man I've never been to the cinema here, and haven't been out at all in the evening since I stopped drinking and the frigging theatre sold alcohol! As if!! I walked in and saw a group of women sitting around with their little wine bottles, one obviously well on her way. Panic! But whatever, I treated myself to a mocha and my husband and I rolled in to the theatre. I noticed people coming in and bringing their drinks. No one made a second trip to the bar during the movie. I mean I wasn't focussed on this, I was watching the movie... but when it was done it struck me that had that been 3 months ago, I would've probably suggested we go for dinner first so I could have a drink. At the very least I would've gotton wine once there and then the movie would've become secondary. I would've had to go back to the bar. I would've wanted to get drunk, or at least tipsy.
So glad those days are behind me! We had such a good time last night :)
Monday 26 November 2012
Small Goals
Well I fell off the eating waggon so to speak. I was going along nicely but on Sunday night I had a 'treat' meal .. chicken tikka massala (yum!!!) which is fine. But then I did it again yesterday. This is a slippery slope for me, I need to get back on track. So I've decided to write down small goals I'd like to achieve. Sometimes the goal of losing 20kg is way too overwhelming - much like the ''I'll never drink again in my entire life'. It's easier to take it day by day, step by step.
So these are my goals:
1. Fitness goal: I will go for 17 minute run every morning. This is the great thing with the 17 day diet. You only need to do 17 minutes a day.. so it's 7:30 am and I am technically done all my exercise for the day (whopee!!). '
2. Weight goal: Be in the 70kg's by the week of the 26th. Not really sure how to word this but right now I weigh 82.1 kg and I want to drop into the 70's by next week. I will be really happy to hit that and see my number starting with a 7!
That's it. Those are my goals. Pretty attainable but still require some work - exactly as I feel goals should be.
I'm also applying this to my daily life. I have a small business and never know what I'm doing with it. I want to be more organised with it. Small goals. I also feel like I'm 'just' a stay at home mum and that I need to justify my existence. I recently read an awesome blog where the woman says really, she does so much during the day and I think ya I do too! So I'm going to notice what I do... from the packed lunches to the million snacks to the grocery shopping and house tidying... never mind keeping the kids happy and fed and clothed and loved (oh so much love now that I'm not drinking!). PLUS organising the finances, making sure the house we are going to buy (whichever house that may be) is something we can afford and still have room to breathe, live and maybe even take the occasional trip somewhere.
So my plan for all that is to do one massive to do list (done!) and then put them in priority.... right now my top priority is to get our finances in order so anything costing us money (paper bank statements, unused bank accounts etc etc) are top priority. Then I will chose 1 or 2 a day and try (try!) to get those done.
Sound complicated? Maybe, but I like to be organised and this is my way to get back on track. It actually simplifies things in that I know what I'm doing. And it's important to me to accomplish things. Even if it is just 'wash all the bed clothes today'. I like to tick things off my to do list! But it's also very important to me not to get overwhelmed!
I feel like things are clicking in place. I know that without being sober, I wouldn't feel like this. I never in a hundred years ever imagined I'd be someone who DOESN'T want to drink. I always thought if I didn't do it, I'd miss it. I'd have to spend the rest of my life missing it. But it turns out that it's like smoking. Once I quit, I realised how senseless it was - that it did nothing for me and in fact just took away from my life. This is the way I feel today anyway!
So these are my goals:
1. Fitness goal: I will go for 17 minute run every morning. This is the great thing with the 17 day diet. You only need to do 17 minutes a day.. so it's 7:30 am and I am technically done all my exercise for the day (whopee!!). '
2. Weight goal: Be in the 70kg's by the week of the 26th. Not really sure how to word this but right now I weigh 82.1 kg and I want to drop into the 70's by next week. I will be really happy to hit that and see my number starting with a 7!
That's it. Those are my goals. Pretty attainable but still require some work - exactly as I feel goals should be.
I'm also applying this to my daily life. I have a small business and never know what I'm doing with it. I want to be more organised with it. Small goals. I also feel like I'm 'just' a stay at home mum and that I need to justify my existence. I recently read an awesome blog where the woman says really, she does so much during the day and I think ya I do too! So I'm going to notice what I do... from the packed lunches to the million snacks to the grocery shopping and house tidying... never mind keeping the kids happy and fed and clothed and loved (oh so much love now that I'm not drinking!). PLUS organising the finances, making sure the house we are going to buy (whichever house that may be) is something we can afford and still have room to breathe, live and maybe even take the occasional trip somewhere.
So my plan for all that is to do one massive to do list (done!) and then put them in priority.... right now my top priority is to get our finances in order so anything costing us money (paper bank statements, unused bank accounts etc etc) are top priority. Then I will chose 1 or 2 a day and try (try!) to get those done.
Sound complicated? Maybe, but I like to be organised and this is my way to get back on track. It actually simplifies things in that I know what I'm doing. And it's important to me to accomplish things. Even if it is just 'wash all the bed clothes today'. I like to tick things off my to do list! But it's also very important to me not to get overwhelmed!
I feel like things are clicking in place. I know that without being sober, I wouldn't feel like this. I never in a hundred years ever imagined I'd be someone who DOESN'T want to drink. I always thought if I didn't do it, I'd miss it. I'd have to spend the rest of my life missing it. But it turns out that it's like smoking. Once I quit, I realised how senseless it was - that it did nothing for me and in fact just took away from my life. This is the way I feel today anyway!
Thursday 22 November 2012
My 40th Birthday
So here's something that's been plaguing me. My 40th birthday is coming up in December. I always sort of pictured a big blow-out party for it where heaps of people come and we have a blast. We don't have 21st's in Canada and my husband and I opted for a small wedding.. .I was looking forward to my 40th because I thought it would be one big bash.
A couple of problems. The first is that I don't have many friends here. I had a larger group of acquaintances, but not close friends. The friends I do have are awesome, very good people, I'm very close to them and we would have lots of fun. They all know I am addicted to alcohol (why does calling myself an alcoholic still seem weird and fake?). So the party will only be about 9 people and their kids. The second problem of course is that there will be no alcohol. I have no desire to sit around on my birthday and watch other people get pissed. So I feel like... will this even be a party? Does 9 people and no alcohol constitute a party?? And 2 of those 9 will have to travel.
But I'm thinking a family bbq/ pool party. It will be fun. Probably won't be too lame. I guess I just like everything else, I have to readjust my thinking. I just assume it won't be a party without alcohol and loads of drunk people. Do people even have sober parties? Anyone out there celebrate a milestone without alcohol??
A couple of problems. The first is that I don't have many friends here. I had a larger group of acquaintances, but not close friends. The friends I do have are awesome, very good people, I'm very close to them and we would have lots of fun. They all know I am addicted to alcohol (why does calling myself an alcoholic still seem weird and fake?). So the party will only be about 9 people and their kids. The second problem of course is that there will be no alcohol. I have no desire to sit around on my birthday and watch other people get pissed. So I feel like... will this even be a party? Does 9 people and no alcohol constitute a party?? And 2 of those 9 will have to travel.
But I'm thinking a family bbq/ pool party. It will be fun. Probably won't be too lame. I guess I just like everything else, I have to readjust my thinking. I just assume it won't be a party without alcohol and loads of drunk people. Do people even have sober parties? Anyone out there celebrate a milestone without alcohol??
Wednesday 21 November 2012
Sugar sugar, turns out you are not my friend
So after three weeks of being sober I decided to start a diet. I'm really unhappy with my weight and need to lose about 20 kg. I did the whole counting calories thing and by the first weekend I was ready for a drink. I quickly decided that I would not diet and cancelled the whole thing because I realised that when I drank, I used to not eat so that the alcohol would affect me faster/ better etc. So when I'm really hungry, I crave red wine. So no calorie counting for me! Too risky.
But I was still really unhappy with my energy levels, my weight and my exhaustion. I had a friend come visit for a couple of weeks and she did the 17 day diet. I'm sure everyone else has heard of this but apparently I have been living under a rock and I hadn't. I've tried to do cleanses before and have failed miserably. But this one seems safe, seems like you still get lots of nutrition but can still rid your body of all the toxins. I figure since I've ridded myself of alcohol, I should get the sugar out too.
Today is the morning of day 4 and I honestly can't believe what a difference I feel! You know I hate people that go on and on about the perils of sugar - mostly because I felt guilty because I love sugar and all the yummy good-flavour it brings. But man - I was addicted to sugar too! How do I know? Withdrawals. But my experience with coming off alcohol has taught me to recognise what they are and not mistake them for cravings. So ya, no sugar for 3 days and today I have so much energy. Last night I slept like a log and was even able to fall quickly back to sleep after each boy woke through the night (normally I'd be up for an hour or so). I even got out of bed with my oldest and was able to nap on the couch for a bit while he watched tv (bad mum but good rest!). Heaps of energy! It's awesome!! Especially when I have 2 and 4 year old boys!! And I'm just in a better mood, happier. Who knew?
And the best is that my husband and I and a small group of friends are doing a 'biggest loser' competition. We've all put in $20 and whoever loses the most by Christmas gets the pot. Not that it's about the money - it's about the glory haha!!!
But I was still really unhappy with my energy levels, my weight and my exhaustion. I had a friend come visit for a couple of weeks and she did the 17 day diet. I'm sure everyone else has heard of this but apparently I have been living under a rock and I hadn't. I've tried to do cleanses before and have failed miserably. But this one seems safe, seems like you still get lots of nutrition but can still rid your body of all the toxins. I figure since I've ridded myself of alcohol, I should get the sugar out too.
Today is the morning of day 4 and I honestly can't believe what a difference I feel! You know I hate people that go on and on about the perils of sugar - mostly because I felt guilty because I love sugar and all the yummy good-flavour it brings. But man - I was addicted to sugar too! How do I know? Withdrawals. But my experience with coming off alcohol has taught me to recognise what they are and not mistake them for cravings. So ya, no sugar for 3 days and today I have so much energy. Last night I slept like a log and was even able to fall quickly back to sleep after each boy woke through the night (normally I'd be up for an hour or so). I even got out of bed with my oldest and was able to nap on the couch for a bit while he watched tv (bad mum but good rest!). Heaps of energy! It's awesome!! Especially when I have 2 and 4 year old boys!! And I'm just in a better mood, happier. Who knew?
And the best is that my husband and I and a small group of friends are doing a 'biggest loser' competition. We've all put in $20 and whoever loses the most by Christmas gets the pot. Not that it's about the money - it's about the glory haha!!!
Tuesday 20 November 2012
3 months and counting
Haven't had a drink in over 3 months now. Feels sort of normal actually... which is a bit weird I suppose. I am just a non-drinker now.
I haven't been around alcohol yet though, I've pretty much avoided it. My husband has had a few after work drinks twice and it didn't bother me at all which is great. In fact the last time I told him to go do it! I thought that would bug me but it didn't.
Had a friend come visit from back home for 2 weeks and we didn't have a drop. She has an occasional drink and I find myself thinking - is that actually what people do? Like she can go on holiday for 2 weeks and not care at all about not drinking? I couldn't. Not when I drank. In fact, even if I was the visitee and not the visitor - hell I would've been drunk every night she was here. It would've been awful for so many reasons.
Anyway, just a quick post to say I'm still standing. I'm still trying to find my feet. Not drinking is the norm, but life is not normal. I find I have to find different ways to deal with things now. That is I actually have to deal with them. I can't just use it as an excuse to drink and know that no one will get mad at me for drinking because they've pissed me off and I drink instead of discussing it. Now I have to discuss it. It's all new territory but I must say I'm feeling pretty strong....
I haven't been around alcohol yet though, I've pretty much avoided it. My husband has had a few after work drinks twice and it didn't bother me at all which is great. In fact the last time I told him to go do it! I thought that would bug me but it didn't.
Had a friend come visit from back home for 2 weeks and we didn't have a drop. She has an occasional drink and I find myself thinking - is that actually what people do? Like she can go on holiday for 2 weeks and not care at all about not drinking? I couldn't. Not when I drank. In fact, even if I was the visitee and not the visitor - hell I would've been drunk every night she was here. It would've been awful for so many reasons.
Anyway, just a quick post to say I'm still standing. I'm still trying to find my feet. Not drinking is the norm, but life is not normal. I find I have to find different ways to deal with things now. That is I actually have to deal with them. I can't just use it as an excuse to drink and know that no one will get mad at me for drinking because they've pissed me off and I drink instead of discussing it. Now I have to discuss it. It's all new territory but I must say I'm feeling pretty strong....
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