You know, I have several reasons to quit drinking... These include, but are not limited to: wanting to feel better, look better, lose weight, remember things, not feel like I have to take crap I shouldn't just because I want to have a drink, have better skin, be better hydrated, have my evenings back, get more things done, read a book in the evening, sew, create, etc etc etc. I have many reasons to quit... but one reason I never thought of?
I want to have a better life without alcohol.
This was something I never even thought of. It never crossed my mind until I went to my first AA meeting last night and heard other people talking about life after alcohol. See I ALWAYS assumed that life without alcohol would be lacking in some way. Going to a party and not drinking? Obviously it will always feel like something is missing. Why bother going at all? But yesterday, listening to people talk, I started thinking... hmm... maybe my life will actually be better without alcohol. And not just better in the "I won't be drunk all the time and miss out on life and black out and do dumb things" kind of way... but in the "Life can actually be enjoyable and good without alcohol" kind of way.
So I went to my first AA meeting. I'm still not convinced that I'm an alcoholic, but I do feel like I fit in there more than I don't. I am going to do the steps. I'm going to get a sponsor.
This morning I got up and went to the gym and I actually talked to people. I cracked jokes in my class, I didn't just keep my head down. I wasn't worried that people would smell the alcohol on me, my breath, my lies, my shame. I actually felt good about myself.
Bit of a disjointed post but have a lot on my mind right now... lots to get out. Today is a good day, I'm proud of myself.
Once you come out and basically concede you have an alcohol issue, it is so liberating - no it really is.
ReplyDeleteYou will notice people around you will give you a bit of quiet respect that you have the courage to have confronted the issue. Especially those who still insist they have no alcohol issue.
The lifting of the shame is also an incredibly powerful moment - when you don't have to self-censor at social occasions or simply skip events because alcohol has crippled you.
Life after alcohol for me (it's 160 odd days)is calm, rested and peaceful. I slept for a good time of the first few weeks, just recovering from my 20 years of sleep deficit.
Keep going, it's almost like a revelation waking up from being under a cloud...