This past weekend was a huge one at our house. We had family staying with us for a sports reunion and I knew it was going to be a big drinking weekend. I was initally really worried about it when I was going to give up drinking... but then of course I haven't given up so I did drink. Friday night I came home early but still drank almost a bottle of wine. Saturday I had a babysitter and was out til 3:30 am. Sunday I drank again. A lot.
Over the weekend I saw that most people were drinking heaps. At least it seemed that way to me. It got me thinking about how distorted our view of drinking is. Like everyone there probably thought it was ok to drink that much that many days in a row. Now granted, most of them probably won't drink again for ages and certainly not that much - for many it was probably the biggest weekend they've had in years. But still. We were all binge drinking and everyone seemed ok with it.
I can still remember how shocked I was when I heard that women should drink no more than 2 standard drinks in one day and have 2 alcohol free days a week. In the society I live in, 2 standard drinks is nothing. In fact often 1 glass of wine is that 2 standard drinks because the glasses are so big. I still don't think it's that bad to drink that much. I mean I don't think about the effects on my health and I'm sure most people drinking this past weekend didn't think about it either - if they even KNOW about it at all. It's sort of like the dangers of drinking are as ill recognised as the dangers of smoking was 30 years ago. Maybe by the time our kids are older drinking will be as taboo as smoking is. Or at least we won't be as blind to the dangers.
But still, I can blame society and lack of information all I want. I can say that 'everyone was doing it' so why am I so hard on myself. But the fact of the matter is that as sick as I felt yesterday, I thought about having a drink again. I thought of it often and really wanted one. I held off though, had a nice dinner and was watching tv in the evening feeling really thankful that I hadn't had a drink. This is why I know there's something up with my drinking. The fact that I can feel so rotten and still want a drink, the fact that I want to be tipsy but hate being drunk, the fact that I have already been having the arguement with myself about wether or not I'll drink tonight ... these all indicate that there is something wrong. It might not be 'that bad' but it's certainly not that good either. I know this because when I take the quiz on the Alcoholics Anonymous website it always tells me I have a problem with alcohol. Wether I'm feeling really hard on myself and score high or wether I feel like I'm not that bad... I always score a 4 or more and that's an indication according to them that I have a problem.
If anyone wants to comment please do. I'm sort of at a loss as to what to do. As I've said I want to give up drinking but I don't. I know many of you have gone through/ are going through similar experiences and I'd love to hear from you. You can also email me if you like.
Thank you for listening.
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