It's funny, when I thought about quitting drinking I had this whole host of reasons and ideas about why it would be good. I guess I thought that once I quit drinking, my life would immediately be better and all the things in life that are difficult and troublesome will magically dissapear.
Unfortunately, as I'm finding, there is no magic wand. Life hasn't just become completely wonderful over night. I'm still exhausted at the end of the day. I still fall asleep in my chair watching tv sometimes, I'm still too tired to sew and work on my business at night. My oldest son still doesn't go to bed easily. My house is still a mess. I'm often still overwhelmed with the amount of things I have to do as a mostly stay at home mum who works part time and is starting her own business. I mean just keeping up with the laundry and cooking and the constant demands of a 1 and 3 year old is hard enough!
I do get overwhelmed. I used to get overwhelmed and think 'at least I can have a drink at the end of the day and that will make it all ok'. And of course I'd feel ok because I had an excuse to drink. Now... well I actually caught myself thinking the other day 'oh well, it's tough but at least I don't have to drink tonight'. Not sure why - I guess it's because when I drink I stay up later, and of course feel worse the next day.
Overall, I'm doing ok. I'm a bit stressed at times but I'm ok. I have lots of good things in my life and thinking about them makes me happy and relieves me a bit. I know I am doing a good thing, what is best for me and what is best for my family. At least I am not beating myself up all day. But ya, no magic wand!
It is funny, like when you start exercising again and after a week expect to be wearing a bikini at Mardi Gras - not likely.
ReplyDeletePatience and time, just getting to know yourself again after all the crazy confusion of drinking. It's a lovely time for self discovery, and this happens slowly, a day at a time.
You're doing fine. Keep it up!