One Week Sober

I made it through Friday night.  It wasn't that hard this week - I think last week did teach me a big lesson.  I now realise I can't have just one... I don't actually want just one.  When I drink, I have no interest in moderating my drinking.  When I drink, I want to get drunk.  So in many ways it is easier to just not drink than to try to moderate or 'control' my drinking. 

In one week I already find things are better.  Just the stress relief of not fighting with myself every day ...  Do I drink?  Not drink?  I'll only have 1.  Or 2.  No I won't drink.  And on and on.

Another thing that's better is just being present with my kids.  And I'm not talking about how I wasn't present just when I was drinking.. it was most of the day .. thinking about drinking or trying to not drink.  And I feel like I was basically always trying to run away from them, to just get to the end of the day so I could 'relax' with a drink.  This past week - and I know it's early days - I have actually spent time with them, just sat with them.  I have spent time out with them, at a cafe, at the mall, just having fun.  I'm no longer stressed waiting for my husband to get home at 5:20.  I now feel like it's no big deal.  I can just sit with them at the end of the day... lay on the carpet and let them crawl all over me.  I'm just more relaxed.

Is this actually possible?  In one week?  I love that drinking is just not an option.  The first week I 'quit' before I had my friday night binge, I was sad the whole week when I thought of certain things - how would I celebrate New Year's without a drink?  Next week we're going away, it's sad I'm the only one who won't be drinking... etc etc.  Now I feel relief.  I know I won't drink.  I still have to figure out HOW I won't drink but I know I won't.  It's not even an option for me.

Today is the first Saturday I have woken up in as long as I can remember not being hungover or still drunk.  Today I woke up satisfied.  Happy with myself.  Tired, but still happy inside.