Sunday was my first born's 3rd birthday. Getting ready for the party, I was half pleased that I wasn't drinking during the prep and definitely felt little stress because I didn't have to think about when I could drink and how much to drink so I remained relatively sober while my mommy friends were here... and I was also half struggling because let's face it, I always 'celebrated' every occasion, good or bad, with wine. So it was a new experience. I was coping... until.....
A friend of mine showed up and I saw a wine bottle in her bag. Seriously. Like ok, she doesn't know I'm an 'alcoholic' or the extent of my drinking, but she does know that I quit drinking. On the one hand, who shows up to a 3 year old's party with booze? But on the other, just in May we had my youngest's 1st birthday and it was a booze blow out. And in her defence she doesn't know I'm struggling with quitting and I'm learning that for people who don't drink like I do it's no big deal to have one or two.. but on the other hand, at least ask if it's ok, no?
I had no idea how I was going to do it. I just felt this panic welling up inside me. I had also skyped with my parents earlier in the day and they were sitting there drinking so I had already been wondering how I was going to make it, visiting them for 2 months and not drinking... and now a friend shows up with wine so here I was wondering what the point was, did I pick the wrong time to stop? Should I just forget it? Go on, have a drink. But I knew where that would lead me.
So I'm in the kitchen, texting my sponsor (ya I did that) and my husband comes in and says he's just going to pop out to the shop. Ok fine. But then he asks me to hold putting the food out (which I'm just about to do) until he gets back. So I ask him what he's doing and he says getting a box [of beer]. What? Like ok, I get it. Up until 3 weeks ago I would've been saying ya get me wine too.. but I'm not. I'm not drinking anymore. And I was a bit upset. I mean are we really going to put the food on hold for booze? And I am in the process of quitting - can we have some respect for that? Anyway, I could feel I was reaching a desperation of sorts so I didn't say anything and he decided to change his mind (haha 'decided'). I stayed in the kitchen for a bit and started to feel better. I got a call from another aa memeber and it was half ok half a bit 'God-y' for me but regardless there was some good that came of it. I actually felt better as soon as I had started the text to my sponsor. It was just a release for me.
So the day carried on and I didn't think about alcohol again. My friend and her husband had a few and no one else did. I chatted with another friend who just doesn't drink who was at the party and that was good too. Everyone left and my husband's cousin had showed up from out of town and they sat around and started drinking. I was knackered from both the party and the emotional day I'd had so I went and watched tv. I had a nice relaxing time, thankful I didn't drink. I woke up the next day and was happy for the same reason.
Today I am 11 days sober and proud of it.
Wow! Congratulations on getting through that.
ReplyDeleteSheesh - there you go - it does get a bit easier as time goes by but you have to love that awkward time when you're half saying "Maybe I am just meant to have a drink then," and half saying "But I am an alcoholic and it will just go on and on"
ReplyDeleteMy wife still asks me if I crave alcohol. I mean, our business sells wine and beer and it is all around me (probably why I bought the business) and she asks if I ever think 'Can I just have that bottle of scotch or that bottle of wine?'
I say nope, it is over. I look at the bottle of wine as a trick, as a time suck and as a waste of my life - I sort of hate it but also know, deep deep down, that I will never drink again.