Here I go again...

So I haven't been writing because (you've guessed it) I've been drinking.  Excessively.  Over a bottle of wine a night.  I feel like I'm back at square one again.  Though I know I am not because the first time I quit I thought my life would immediately get better and all my problems would go away because drinking was my only problem. 

But now I know better.  I know that I'll still be tired, I'll still have stress, my excess weight won't automatically start falling off... but I know I will NOT be hungover, as cranky, tired and miserable.  I won't have to deal with every day feeling like crap.  And I won't be beating myself up in the middle of the night when I wake, causing me to be unable to fall back asleep... then be sooo tired in the morning from the combined lack of sleep and alcohol.

So here I am at day 2.  I feel pretty good today and even better, I feel better about myself.  But it's 11:18 and I'm already deciding that I want to have a drink tonight.  This is not right.  This constant battle is insane.

I'm reading Allen Carr's Easy way book...  I swear I used to smoke and thought I could not face life without the ciggies - thought I wouldn't be able to deal with the stress without my smokes, wouldn't have fun without them... and get this - I didn't see the point of drinking because what's drinking without the smoking??  But then I read his Easy Way to Stop Smoking and it CHANGED my life.  It changed the way I thought about ciggarettes.  I did not pick up another smoke after that - sober.  Drinking, ya I occaisionally have one after all my defences are down and someone around me is smoking. 

So I'm reading his book on stopping/ cutting down drinking.  One of the 7 rules is to not quit or cut down while reading the book.  'Great' I thought!  I can continue reading the book and still drink excuse/ guilt free!  Only one problem, when I'm drinking from 5 pm on and hung over most of the day, I can't really read the book can I?  And one of the other 7 rules is to not read while drinking. 

So yesterday I read heaps of the book and it makes total sense.  Now today, back to the grind of Monday... I can feel the 'Justification Rosie' coming out.  The one that says that Allen Carr must be on to something and knows there's a valid reason for continuing to drink while reading the book so go on - follow his method.  Have a drink.  Go on.

Hmm... still not sure what I"ll do.  I do know that Allen Carr is the way for me.  He nails the EXACT reasons that I have a problem with AA (sorry all AA goers out there - we all know it isn't for everyone and I have said before how I feel that it is fraught with Catch 22's).  Mr Carr also talks about how willpower is a farce.  I agree - I never thought of this before I read his smoking book but something just clicked with me. 

Another thing he talks about is how when he quit smoking and drinking he thought there would always be a void in his life - that he would go about always feeling like his life was lacking.  I feel the same way about my drinking.  I used to feel the same way about smoking but now I don't even remotly want/ think about/ crave/ desire a ciggarette when I'm stressed.  It worked once..

I'm really hoping that it works again and this time with the drinking - because let's face it - I'm looking for an EASY WAY!!!