My first sober Christmas

Well obviously it isn't my first ever sober Christmas - I mean I didn't drink when I was a kid... and not when I was pregnant... but this is my first sober Christmas since I started my drinking career where I myself have chosen not to drink and not just gotten drunk or had sobriety forced on me because of pregnancy ;)  And I have to say, it was faaaarking hard!  I really wasn't expecting it.  I mean mentally I knew it would be difficult because we went to Australia to stay with my in-laws and that was always a party place for me - a place where I could drink relatively guilt free because I was on 'holiday' and everyone was drinking with me (or not, but everyone thought I was a hard-working mum who deserved the break). 

I guess I spent most of my time preparing for my brother in law's 40th birthday party and how I would deal with that.. . but I wasn't prepared for the day to day going-ons of Christmas and holiday drinking.  I arrived to my husband's 20 year old neice telling her boyfriend how 'awesome' I was and how funny I am sober, but man I'm really hilarious when I'm drunk.... and then she continued on saying 'I heard you're not drinking, who am I going to do shots with?!  You are the best to drink with!".  And I had such a hard time with this.  I really felt like I was facing my demons head on.  I suppose I was.  I was really unsure how I was going to deal with it all.  I wanted to blog for support/ to get things off my chest but couldn't due to computer issues there.  I just had to deal with it.  I talked to my hubby about it a bit.  I mean the thing is, I drank a lot because I loved it.  I didn't hate it.  And I knew I was heaps of fun ... and now I'm just not going to be that crazy funny hilarious do anything girl. 

BUT looking at it now, I think way more clearly about it.  I mean why do I want to be a party animal to a 20 year old?  I'm 40 now.  That's actually a bit embarrasing.  And that's part of why I quit drinking.  Oh well, no more having to listen to droning on drunk people talk about stuff I don't give a rat's ass about just so I can bum smokes from them ... smokes that I will feel sooo guilty for having when I wake the next day.  So I made it through that night.

I also made it through the bday party.  BIL (brother-in-law) had a family bbq during the day which was nice so I could be a part of something.  By this point I had started talking about my not drinking.  It was still super hard being there because everyone was drinking and I felt like a boring old person.  But then I left, and as soon as I left the pressure on my chest left as well.  I drove around the area with my kids and stopped at McDonald's on the way home.  It was actually really great, me and my 2 boys sitting there having a little treat and me just laughing at them being cute.  I realised I would've missed out on this if I was drinking.  And I wouldn't have even known that I was missing out on this because I would've been too focussed on getting drunk!

So I made it through the holiday and woke up every day feeling great - even if I was tired.  I never had a hang over, I never stayed up too late, I read my book on my new e-reader (bday gift from my hubbie - LOVE!!! it) and I did heaps HEAPS of fabric shopping and clothes shopping ... and still spent far less than I would've drinking.  And now I'm back home in the safety of my house and my little life that makes not drinking much easier.