Day 6

Well here I am again, and this time I've partly ended up here by accident.

I've been seeing my Alcohol Counsellor (AC) and this is my 3rd one and she really suits me.  She is very logical, full of information and comes at it (at least with me) with an intellectual perspective.  What I mean is she explains heaps to me like the actual physical effects of alcohol on, say, my liver.  And she explains how giving up alcohol will bring me through the 5 stages of grief.  And she explained where I am on the spectrum of alcohol consumers.... from non-drinker on the far left to alcohol dependent on the far right.  I am alcohol dependent but she says within that range I am on the far left of the spectrum in that I still have control. And she says it's important that I do because I don't want to step over that line.

And then she put the labelling alcohol chart away and we won't talk about it again.  She doesn't use the word alcoholic and says it's old fashioned and out dated.  I am happy with all these things.  I also think it's good that a professional has finally told me I have a problem.  I still sometimes think I don't (denial I suppose) but I know I do.

And then we worked on a plan to get to abstinence which would take 4 weeks of reducing my alcohol intake in conjuction with growing the number of alcohol free days in a row.  We're doing it this way just so we can avoid any potentially harmful withdrawls.  Apparently I was at risk of having siezures, a stroke etc.  Man that was a real eye opener... to realise my body has become that dependant on alcohol that I actually risk such harmful withdrawl symptoms!

So I'm on week 2.  Week 1 was drink no more than 1 bottle of wine per session and 2 alcohol free days in a row.  I didn't think I did well but she thought I did.  Week 2 is 2 alcohol free days in a row plus one other alcohol free day and then keep to 1/2 a bottle of wine per session.  I was a bit worried about how I would open a bottle of wine and not finish but but lo-and-behold I caught the flu.  I got super sick on Thursday which was the 2nd day of week two (my appointments are on Wednesday and therefore that is the 'start' of my alcohol week).   I am still sick today.  I have been suffering withdrawl symptoms and yesterday was pretty bad but because I have the flu, I can't possibly drink.  I did think about it yesterday just to allieviate the withdrawl symptoms but I knew this would only delay the inevitable and next week I'd just have to go through them again.  I guess I'm just ripping the bandage off quickly this time. 

I have so much to say, and so much I've been wanting to write.  Just wanted to give an update to say where I am on this journey.  I hopefully will be posting more and more to help me through this - to understand what I'm going through, to work things through.