I want to drink... but I don't want to drink

Today is the type of day that makes me want to give up and have a drink.  I'm pretty upset with my current situation in life - suffice to say my husband's last day at work is this Friday and we have no means of income after that.  I feel like I'm tired of always cleaning up the messes, of fixing everything up.

I feel like I have done so much in the past 4 years.  I have been staying home raising our two boys and have struggled a lot with that.  I had post natal depression - well still do I suppose.  And there were days when I wish I'd die... not that I'd actually do anything to myself, but if say a tree fell on me, at that point, I'd have been ok with that.  Through counselling and medication and lots of self-work, I have built myself back up.  I feel - some days - like the person I used to be.. look forward to life and get joy at points.

I have also been building up my business, working to create new things and also trying to market my business and products. 

I have made a new friend with common interests and she doesn't drink which is even better.

I have taken parenting courses to both improve my skills as a parent and gain confidence in my parenting.

I have tried to implement budgets.  I eat out less, I make more food from scratch.  I am adding personal touches to our home.

This is what I wished for - what I have been working towards and you know, I'm happy.

I am working on my drinking, 7th day sober today and I know this is the next thing I'm meant to be working on, but I am happy and I feel like life is going pretty smoothly.

But my husband is miserable.  He hates his stressful job and can't do it anymore.  I get that, I really do.  But the thing I don't get is that he quit with nothing else lined up.  And he wanted to move AGAIN.  So I said in the heat of the moment an din panic that if we didn't move, I'd work.  But I don't want to work.  I've done all the hard yards and I want to reap the benefits of all the labour I've put in over the last 4 years.  Things were finally going smoothly and all was well and now I'm expected to go to work to support the family??
We have no savings, heaps of expenses and no one is doing anything about planning for what we are going to do next week when we have no job.  I tried to talk to my husband to make a plan but all he said was 'we have to find work'.  He's not filed a tax return in years - we could be getting money back from that.  We could be doing heaps of other things in the interim.. but all he thinks is we have to get work.  Like it's that easy - and that fast.

And then last night he's looking at houses that are on the market.  He always seems to look for the quick fixes.  Like selling our house at a loss and buying another will solve our problems.  Or moving to a different city.

I feel like he's really put us in a bind but I felt I couldn't say anything because he's miserable and I don't want him to be miserable.

And now I am the one who has to go through all the finances agian, cancel all the extras etc etc.  And it's such bad timing because I am trying to get ready for two huge craft markets in the next two weeks and I had commited to these long before my husband resigned.

I just feel like it's always me fixing things.  I am so angry.  And it's only 1:15 and I want to drink.  I usually start drinking at 3pm so that I can escape from this.  It's all just built up today and I'm not sure what to do or how to get through this.