Feeling like crap

So I'm not drinking today, I'm determined not to.  And I know tomorrow I will still be tired but at least I won't be hung over.  I'm writing this so that I can remember exactly how I feel the day after I drink... or how I feel after drinking for 3 weeks straight and finally stopping.

See the thing is, I wake up feeling fine.  I don't really feel tired or hungover... but after I eat lunch it hits.  I feel tired and seedy... bit groggy and almost like I've smoked a pack of cigarettes (I don't smoke).  And cold.  I'm freezing!  It always hits me in the afternoon I think.. but by this point I've usually already decided that I'm going to drink so I only have to hang out for an hour or two and then I know I can have my wine so I think that makes me not 'feel' so bad... or at least not pay attention to how bad I feel.

But today, I know I'm not going to drink so I don't have that little ray of hope to hang on to.  Instead though, I am focussing on how when the kids go to bed at 7 I can then relax and watch tv under a blanket, read a book or go to bed early.  I only have to make it til 7 and I'll be fine.  And really, that's only 2 hours later than I have to make it to have a drink so it's not really that long.  And I know I'll feel good tomorrow.  I won't wake at 2 am and not be able to get back to sleep because of my self loathing.  I will wake up feeling good about myself and the fact that I didn't drink.  And I will just feel better because I won't be hung over.

I just want to be able to remind myself of this.

I'm off to see the doctor shortly to talk about my drinking.  May be back later to say how it went.  Wish me luck!  And strength.