Well I woke up yesterday feeling pretty good, though a bit groggy. Somewhere along my daily journeys I decided that I would drink last night. I had a bottle and a half of wine, which is now the norm since a bottle doesn't quite do it. I ended up getting really upset with my husband about something that was very important to me ... but today I can't even remember what it was. And that was the second time I did that over the past week.
This morning my husband gave me a big cuddle and said it was because of what happened last night. I am so ashamed that I don't know what it is, and I don't want to know what I said. He knows I can't remember.
It's definitely time for me to quit. I don't know how I did it before for 2 months. But it's definietly time. I'm not drinking tonight - and it has been hard. But the good thing is that I have a craft market tomorrow and it will be awesome not to wake up hung over and to be able to get through the day without feeling awful and tired.
I'm doing ok right now. I'm home alone because my husband and boys are out at the rugby club .. I didn't want to stay because I don't want to drink. Actually that's not true - I'm tired and I just don't want to be there so I came home. It's nice, just doing some sewing and watching tv. I'm going to make dinner now and eat before they get home (they're having dinner there - don't know why I felt the need to mention that haha!) so that I am even less tempted to drink. I always drink on an empty stomach and usually stop once I've eaten. Once I eat tonight I know any thoughts of having alcohol will be gone. Then I can go to bed nice and early and get a good night's sleep.
Today is the first day of me being sober.
Showing posts with label Day one. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Day one. Show all posts
Friday, 4 May 2012
Monday, 5 September 2011
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
Well I made it through day one. Not without battles but I did it. The first thing my awesome husband said to me this morning was 'Congratulations on one day of sobriety'! He said he should've made me a one day badge :)
The Good
The good is that I woke up this morning, went to the gym at 6 am and didn't have to worry about whether or not I could/ should be driving. I also could do the work out without dying and fumbling over my feet like I did last week. And seeing my eldest son literally bounce off to bed I thought to myself .. how cute is he? And I would've missed that moment. I would've been fuzzy and not felt it. I made it through day one.
The Bad
I feel like crap. Well not crap but I am E-X-H-A-U-S-T-E-D!! I was so knackered last night that I went to bed at 8:30. I was hoping to do all kinds of stuff last night since I was going to be sober, but no dice. I was also very irritable... I thought maybe it was because I didn't have my 'wind down' glass of wine but I quickly googled alcohol withdrawl symptoms and sure enough, I have some of the mild ones. This is actually pretty scarey for me! Like sure I drank, but I never thought I would go through withdrawl! And before when I used to try to have 2 sober days a week I always thought well I still feel like crap so why not just drink? I'm realising now maybe I was going through withdrawl. Sad.
The Ugly
By the time I drove to pick my husband up from work and we were talking about the upcoming weekends I had pretty much convinced myself that I'll do a 2 week holiday from drinking then I'll try to moderate my drinking. I have an appointment with an alcohol counsellor next week and she suggested last time that I do this. But the reality is, in the light of day I don't want to drink any more. I don't want to be hung over. I don't want to miss out on life.
It was a hard day yesterday and on top of just the basic trying to get through, I was on skype with my brother around midday and because of the time change he was having a couple of beers. It was hard to watch him down a nice cold beer and it was certainly a trigger for me. Especially because I'm going to visit him soon and he's talking about renting a limo and going to his friends pub. I am so worried about dissapointing people with my not drinking that I thought can I really do that? Like of course I can go in a limo and have fun. Just cuz I'm sober doesn't mean I have to be boring right? '
Regardless, I made it through day one and I am on to day two.
The Good
The good is that I woke up this morning, went to the gym at 6 am and didn't have to worry about whether or not I could/ should be driving. I also could do the work out without dying and fumbling over my feet like I did last week. And seeing my eldest son literally bounce off to bed I thought to myself .. how cute is he? And I would've missed that moment. I would've been fuzzy and not felt it. I made it through day one.
The Bad
I feel like crap. Well not crap but I am E-X-H-A-U-S-T-E-D!! I was so knackered last night that I went to bed at 8:30. I was hoping to do all kinds of stuff last night since I was going to be sober, but no dice. I was also very irritable... I thought maybe it was because I didn't have my 'wind down' glass of wine but I quickly googled alcohol withdrawl symptoms and sure enough, I have some of the mild ones. This is actually pretty scarey for me! Like sure I drank, but I never thought I would go through withdrawl! And before when I used to try to have 2 sober days a week I always thought well I still feel like crap so why not just drink? I'm realising now maybe I was going through withdrawl. Sad.
The Ugly
By the time I drove to pick my husband up from work and we were talking about the upcoming weekends I had pretty much convinced myself that I'll do a 2 week holiday from drinking then I'll try to moderate my drinking. I have an appointment with an alcohol counsellor next week and she suggested last time that I do this. But the reality is, in the light of day I don't want to drink any more. I don't want to be hung over. I don't want to miss out on life.
It was a hard day yesterday and on top of just the basic trying to get through, I was on skype with my brother around midday and because of the time change he was having a couple of beers. It was hard to watch him down a nice cold beer and it was certainly a trigger for me. Especially because I'm going to visit him soon and he's talking about renting a limo and going to his friends pub. I am so worried about dissapointing people with my not drinking that I thought can I really do that? Like of course I can go in a limo and have fun. Just cuz I'm sober doesn't mean I have to be boring right? '
Regardless, I made it through day one and I am on to day two.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)