Well who's counting the days but ya, this Wednesday it will be 3 weeks since I've had a drink! And seriously, I'm not counting but I am aware of how far of come.
How far have I come do you ask?? Well, I feel freakin fantastic! I am actually loving life! Like I am happy for the first time in years... I still have my struggles.. like yesterday I was having a hard tiring day (because sometimes, that's life) and I thought man I'd have a drink right now. But then my thoughts don't follow that, the romantic thinking of kicking off my shoes and sitting down, feet up with a relaxing glass of wine. Because that is not what happens. Instead my mind goes next to a vision of me sitting at the table or in the kitchen avoiding my family and chugging back wine until I get to the point where everything is numb (haha I almost wrote dumb - Freudian slip!). And then perhaps picking a fight with my husband, going to bed, waking at 2 and lying awake for 2 hours feeling bad about myself, waking in the morning with a hangover but pretending I don't have one, bumbling around the kitchen trying to get breakfast, throwing back a coffee in the hopes that it helps, not looking my husband in the eye because I'm not sure if I've been mean to him or what I've said and I was sometimes not even sure what I ate. That's where my mind goes next because THAT is the reality. And I have no desire, whatsoever, to go back there.
So life is pretty good. I just feel better. I am going for walks and enjoying feeling good. This past week I've been so tired so I've been going to bed early which sucks because I was enjoying that time in the evening but oh well... I'm listening to my body.
Now that it's nearly been 3 weeks and the alcohol is out of my system I am starting eating healthier... starting today.. I am currently at 86.4 kg which is over 20 kg over my 'normal' weight - which is the weight I was up til I had kids. My goal is to reach my goal weight, or be as close as possible by my 40th birthday in December. I lost weight in my late twenties so I know how to do it.... but back then I was drinking. And now I'm not. So I figure this time I can treat myself to some extra bread or some cheese instead of a night of drinking ;) I'm really excited about this - especially since I know it will help me to feel better by eating a balanced diet... and getting exercise. And it's spring here so perfect timing! As I'm typing I hear the birds chirping :)
I am a wife and mother of 2 who has come through postnatal depression but became addicted to alcohol while doing so. I have told a bit of my drinking in this blog, my first attempt to quit and then finally how I had my last drink on the 14th of August, 2012. This blog is my way of not so much returning to the woman I was before I had kids, but hopefully emerging a more rounded, happier and more secure person because of all I've been through and all I am learning from my experiences.
Wooooooo Hoooooooooo!!!!! Fan-fucking-tastic!! That is so great, big big congratulations. What an achievement. I'm so happy to read this. Be very kind and gentle to yourself, which it sounds like you are with the early nights etc... all manner of wonderful feelings await you. Great work. xxx
ReplyDeleteHow are you?
ReplyDeleteHey! I'm good, been working... how are things with you?
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