I've been gone for ages. Here's what happened. I went overseas for 2.5 months and totally planned to keep writing, wanted to, looked forward to it... but then I got worried that my family would see me in their computer history and I definitely am not ready for people I know to read me... especially when it's so personal. So I fretted, and thought about it but in the end, I kept off the blog.
The other thing is that (of course) I started drinking again. I went 2 months without a drink, so concerned that I was becoming like my parents. A lot of the time, to be honest, I was miserable. Not on the day to day not drinking, but the thought of big occasions... not having a glass of wine at a wedding, or family gathering etc. Well once I was home it turns out I just started eating my problems instead of drinking them. After two months I decided I would drink again.
For the most part it's been ok. I mean I realised rather quickly that I would just replace the alcohol with food so obviously it's just a symptom of a deeper problem. If I'm just going to replace one 'drug' with another I'm not solving anything by just trading one for the other.
But now that I'm back home I find myself in that all too familiar pattern... drink, tired next day, drink again. I guess I thought that once I stopped drinking everything else would fall in place. But it didn't. And having two young kids and a house to run with basically no help, I just can't help but find comfort in alchohol. I try not to beat myself up over it. Not sure where to go from here. But I'm back so I'll keep writing in the hopes of figuring it out.
Great to see you are back.
ReplyDeleteI like your open easy to read style and how you seem to have such a great insight into how drinking is pissing you off.
Keep thinking about it and writing about it and the answers will reveal.
Ya alcohol really is pissing me off! Great way to put it. Thanks for the support Bwendo.
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