Feelin Pain

So last night I was talking to my husband about something I felt bad about doing and he agreed (in a very nice way!) that ya it wasn't the best.  At first I was upset at him because I had wanted him to make me feel better.  But then I was glad that he spoke his mind.  He often doesn't... and then he comes down hard on me when I get upset about something - which I've only just recently learned.  Oops... going off track!

This was one of the first times I didn't even THINK of reaching for a glass/ bottle of wine to 'deal' with the pain.  I decided to just sit with it (the pain that is, not the wine haha!).  I knew that it would hurt, I knew I'd feel bad, but I also knew it wouldn't kill me.  I felt the prickly feeling in my nose that I get just before tears come.  And I just sat.  And without even thinking about it, I just knew I would change my behaviour for the better.  It was about my kids and just having more patience.  I was so upset with myself for not being so patient and sometimes losing my cool.  But it was a good wake up call for me.  To feel that way and to know I was going to change it.  Not so long ago - like really not long, a couple of weeks ago - I would've just drank away the pain and not learned anything from it.

Sure it hurt, it felt horrible, but it's not the end of the world.  Today I would up feeling good, and I still feel good. 

Just a short post but man that is a massive thing for me.  To just feel pain and not do anything about it.  Especially not drink.  Wow.

Oh - btw - haven't blogged for a while because I had a job interview this week and it totally threw me off.. had two days to prepare for the interview and get clothes (nothing fits!) and all the stress.... which is why I've been less patient than usual but still not an excuse.  Hectic week - glad it's friday!!!