Well I made it through day one. Not without battles but I did it. The first thing my awesome husband said to me this morning was 'Congratulations on one day of sobriety'! He said he should've made me a one day badge :)
The Good
The good is that I woke up this morning, went to the gym at 6 am and didn't have to worry about whether or not I could/ should be driving. I also could do the work out without dying and fumbling over my feet like I did last week. And seeing my eldest son literally bounce off to bed I thought to myself .. how cute is he? And I would've missed that moment. I would've been fuzzy and not felt it. I made it through day one.
The Bad
I feel like crap. Well not crap but I am E-X-H-A-U-S-T-E-D!! I was so knackered last night that I went to bed at 8:30. I was hoping to do all kinds of stuff last night since I was going to be sober, but no dice. I was also very irritable... I thought maybe it was because I didn't have my 'wind down' glass of wine but I quickly googled alcohol withdrawl symptoms and sure enough, I have some of the mild ones. This is actually pretty scarey for me! Like sure I drank, but I never thought I would go through withdrawl! And before when I used to try to have 2 sober days a week I always thought well I still feel like crap so why not just drink? I'm realising now maybe I was going through withdrawl. Sad.
The Ugly
By the time I drove to pick my husband up from work and we were talking about the upcoming weekends I had pretty much convinced myself that I'll do a 2 week holiday from drinking then I'll try to moderate my drinking. I have an appointment with an alcohol counsellor next week and she suggested last time that I do this. But the reality is, in the light of day I don't want to drink any more. I don't want to be hung over. I don't want to miss out on life.
It was a hard day yesterday and on top of just the basic trying to get through, I was on skype with my brother around midday and because of the time change he was having a couple of beers. It was hard to watch him down a nice cold beer and it was certainly a trigger for me. Especially because I'm going to visit him soon and he's talking about renting a limo and going to his friends pub. I am so worried about dissapointing people with my not drinking that I thought can I really do that? Like of course I can go in a limo and have fun. Just cuz I'm sober doesn't mean I have to be boring right? '
Regardless, I made it through day one and I am on to day two.
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