Well who's counting the days but ya, this Wednesday it will be 3 weeks since I've had a drink! And seriously, I'm not counting but I am aware of how far of come.
How far have I come do you ask?? Well, I feel freakin fantastic! I am actually loving life! Like I am happy for the first time in years... I still have my struggles.. like yesterday I was having a hard tiring day (because sometimes, that's life) and I thought man I'd have a drink right now. But then my thoughts don't follow that, the romantic thinking of kicking off my shoes and sitting down, feet up with a relaxing glass of wine. Because that is not what happens. Instead my mind goes next to a vision of me sitting at the table or in the kitchen avoiding my family and chugging back wine until I get to the point where everything is numb (haha I almost wrote dumb - Freudian slip!). And then perhaps picking a fight with my husband, going to bed, waking at 2 and lying awake for 2 hours feeling bad about myself, waking in the morning with a hangover but pretending I don't have one, bumbling around the kitchen trying to get breakfast, throwing back a coffee in the hopes that it helps, not looking my husband in the eye because I'm not sure if I've been mean to him or what I've said and I was sometimes not even sure what I ate. That's where my mind goes next because THAT is the reality. And I have no desire, whatsoever, to go back there.
So life is pretty good. I just feel better. I am going for walks and enjoying feeling good. This past week I've been so tired so I've been going to bed early which sucks because I was enjoying that time in the evening but oh well... I'm listening to my body.
Now that it's nearly been 3 weeks and the alcohol is out of my system I am starting eating healthier... starting today.. I am currently at 86.4 kg which is over 20 kg over my 'normal' weight - which is the weight I was up til I had kids. My goal is to reach my goal weight, or be as close as possible by my 40th birthday in December. I lost weight in my late twenties so I know how to do it.... but back then I was drinking. And now I'm not. So I figure this time I can treat myself to some extra bread or some cheese instead of a night of drinking ;) I'm really excited about this - especially since I know it will help me to feel better by eating a balanced diet... and getting exercise. And it's spring here so perfect timing! As I'm typing I hear the birds chirping :)
